So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
