Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
