totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
