people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
