You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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