Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
