id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
