A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
