I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
