Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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