Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
