I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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