In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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