My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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