im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
