I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
