i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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