are you still at the devil's house?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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