so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
