Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
