I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize