you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You took a bar mat shot.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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