I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she peed on how many people?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
