I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
