my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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