i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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