this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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