Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
