we have officially lost it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He better not be in your backpack
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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