Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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