Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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