Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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