oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
