I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
