I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
dude. I can hear the air.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
