I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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