Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
