Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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