i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dear god my vagina.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
