your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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