I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
