And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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