i can't believe i had my finger in that
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
