Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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