ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
