yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
