there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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