I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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