Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
