the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
