we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's great music for shaving your balls
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
