mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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