i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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