Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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