She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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