he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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