There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
