look no pants
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
