i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
