Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
