so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
