Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
