Do you still have your period?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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