I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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