a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
