next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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